Things That Will Kill You #2

The Giving Tree by Shell Silverstein

If, after seeing the serial killer-esque extreme close up photo of the author on the back cover, you still dare to open the this "children's" book, I cannot help you.  You are a person who openly lives teetering on the edge of sanity and apparently, you like it there.  If you want to share this book with your child, I suggest saving money for years of therapy, too, because this book will eff your kid up.  Trust me on this one.  

This tender tome explores the co-dependent relationship between a self centered little boy and one enabler of an apple tree.  Oh, the boy is ruthless!  He carves his initials in the tree.  He eats all of her apples.  He cuts the branches to build a boat or something and still, the little booger wants more, more, more!  And the tree, being sick in her "oh, I'm just a nobody" way, just gives and gives

and gives until she is nothing but a stump.  All the while repeating the phrase, "Come boy, come swing from my branches..." If you are a pimp or are thinking of becoming a pimp, you should read this book to all your best back alley hos. Those ladies will identify with being used and abused a little better than the rest of us. 

The Giving Tree has been scarring the young since 1964 and if you have a child, eventually someone will give it to the kid as a gift.  Smile politely then return it to the bookstore immediately!  I beg of you.

Love, 

Bouvier