Things That Will Kill You #3

David Lee Roth in Assless Chaps

Now, I know there are some of you out there who are thinking, "I can handle that mess" and I am here to tell you, "No, you cannot."  

The year was 1984 and Jennifer Kozlov (not even close to her real name) met David Lee Roth somewhere near the bathrooms of the Troubador, the world famous heavy metal club on the Sunset strip.  Well, I wasn't there but it was all over school the next day: Jennifer gave DLR a BJ in the bathroom.  The men's bathroom. Best or worst of all, depending on your personal relationship with Satan, she was only 14!  

Not surprisingly, Jennifer Kozlov was never heard from again.  Lisa Cordoba was waiting outside trying to look mature by Long Island Ice Tea with one pinky up.  Apparently, Jennifer's young eyes and mouth were no match for Davids hot flesh.  Upon touching him, she spontaneously combusted right there in the second stall.  David strode out in his assless attire like nothing happened.  Shameful.

Every year, a group of us get together and leave a pack of apple flavored Now and Laters in that very spot while singing "Jump." Now and Laters where Jennifer's favorite.  

If you see David in assless chaps, leave him alone!  I beg of you.

Love,

Bouvier