I had sex with...

I know you're thinking to yourself, "No she didn't," and I'm here to tell  you, "Yes, I did."  I boned Janet "Miss Jackson if you're nasty" Jackson.  Well, since we're both chicks, "boned" probably isn't the best word to describe it.  I de-boned her.  And, get this, homegirl took my keys!  I was like, "Jay-Jay Girl, I have to go," and she started acting irrational, crying, slamming doors, eating lipgloss.  Finally, I got my leggings on and as I'm heading for the door, she grabs my car keys out of my hand, and shoves them in her 'do.  Now, you see the impressive pile her hair was in those days.  So, as you can imagine, it took me awhile to find the keys and by the time I did, my leggings had somehow been used to secure her wrists and to the wrought iron post of the bed.  Yes, had just seen 9 1/2 Weeks and yes, she loved it.  Control?  Mine, all mine.