I slept with...

Dan Cortese. You might remember him as the BK Guy from the Burger King commercials in the 1990's. That's when we hooked up. We were at a black tie event for under privileged kids with herpes. He wore a tux and a Philadelphia Eagles baseball hat, backwards. That's right, backwards. We were eating shrimp cocktail by the truckload because it was free, because we were flirting, because the kids with herpes had not touched any of it. I turned his cap to face the right way, brushed his wrist, causing him to get cocktail sauce in his goatee. He looked so hot that I became sticky with desire in my shadowy, feminine place(s). He took my hand and said, "If you do that again, I'll break your fingers." I said, "I can't spend the rest of my life with you, Dan Cortese. But I can make love like a jungle girl and guess what? I'm furry and bring good luck, like a rabbit's foot." We left the party and after that, he was on Melrose Place and even Seinfeld. Like I said, I'm good luck.