Art

It is not often that I bring readers into my personal space but since it's snowing, I'm unemployed, and rather drunk, I thought I'd invite you to a private viewing.  Yes, it's the Bouvier Collection of Fine Arts!  

As you can imagine, I have always had a keen and delicate eye for all things marginally representational.  So over the years, I have filled my home, my life, with artistic treasures and you can, too.  It's easy.  Here are two pieces I recently acquired at auction:

That's "Fuckin' Fag with a Feather in His Helmet" by Ricky Velasquez on the left and "The Holy Mother Goes to Court Seeking Child Support" by Toula Papadapolous on the right.  Stunning, no?

This gritty piece of soul searching realism was done by Janica Taylor of Baltimore, MD.  Janica is 22 and has been clinically depressed for like 15 years.  Now, I'm not saying depression makes for great art, but honestly, it can't hurt!  Those tears.  I just want to touch them to see if my fingertips get wet, you know?  

This objet d'art above is called "Why the Hell Did You Adopt Me, White Lady?"  I'm not sure what it's about but if I ever meet the artist, I will serve her a nice big plate of egg foo yung and ask.

As common in the art world (that's where those of us in the know live - the art world), many children take after their parents.  This next painting entitled, "Just Another Tuesday," was done by none other than Diana Taylor, Janica's mom.

That's little Janica and her sister, Heartbeat, clamoring for Diana's nippless breasts.  Is that a family portrait or is that a family portrait?  Just like Janica's tears, if I put my hand to it, I can almost feel the love.  Almost.

Many people do not like clowns.  Personally, I love them.  I find they offer a kind of solace usually only found with Bostonian priests, small town cops, and Greyhound bus drivers on meth, like my dad.  When I find myself in times of trouble, I only have to look at "Kolonoscopy the Klown" by Maurice Higgins and I know there's a just and loving god watching over me.