A likely story

I hate that this person wants me to believe that he fell asleep on his books and that somebody with a magically light touch came over and made razor art on his head.  Yeah, sure thing, pal.  Whatever you say.  Oh, I know, this guy - his name is probably Ben Wilson or Ben Simpson - fell asleep in a chemistry lecture and, lo and behold, guess who just happened to be auditing that lecture?  That's right, Edward Scissorhands.  Why auditing?  Because Edward already has a BFA in textiles and he's only taking chemistry to better himself.  So Edward looked at Ben who was sleeping on his a pile of books he hadn't even cracked open - Jesus, Ben, don't make me laugh - and snipped, snipped, snipped away in his sad goth-pansy way.  No, Ben, I don't buy it for two seconds.  Okay, I believed it for one second but now I am sure this is a joke and you were in on it.